I am here.. but where are you?

I watched my children march up to me and beg me to cook them eggs. I looked at the clock and thoguht what in the hell am I doing giving into them cooking for them at this hour. However, I went ahead and started to cool.. Meanwhile, I went into deep thought about all the faults in my life just because the moment seemed so crazy... I thought long and hard about my so called bi-polar condition that certain doctor's said I have.

I sat there questioning and thinking long and hard about how wrong I may be about all my thoughts in my head. I started to instantly think maybe everything I believe in is incorrect and my reasoning behind my thoughts is totally insane. I thought about all the instances in the past and how they created me such despair and frustration only to lead me to this very point in my life to question what is this all about. I told myself for a few minutes.. Just maybe, just maybe I do have some type of physiological condition that is causing me this irrational thoughts. I thought instantly my life may be unhappy and unstable just because I let myself question this reality I live in constantly. Mind you, the reason for these thoughts was based on movie's and shows I saw on television that potrayed the bipolar type of person. I thought maybe my thinking was affected due to the programs, movies or whatever I saw on television or the internet.

I remember at one point in my thinking as I stared at the grill cooking eggs.. Just maybe, I am insane and I lack the ability to recongnize these features. I thought maybe all my pointless thought into thinking who I am? why I am here? Maybe I thought, those questions were based on insane thinking because my mind was not functioning the way a so-called "normal" person functioned in the world. I thought maybe all the countless hours of thinking, and wondering what this life is about is pointless drool from the deep areas of a dysfunctional mind. I thought maybe my rage and anger in my life was misdirected and rationalized with insanity in mind. I thought wow!! I thought, this is the epiphany I have been looking for "I am insane"!!! I thought this is it.. I am an insane person who is admittedly "bi-polar" experiencing extreme highs and lows.. Mania mixed with depression.. At that moment, I instantly thought of the shot of some Youtube "MD" in psychology proving that bi-polar conditon was physical issue with the brain. I guess they would call it a chemical imbalance.

However, through all the thought. Through all the reasoning I thought about a moment when I was baker acted inside the pysche ward of a hospital. I remember very succinctly a moment when I recalled an unusal situation which was without dought NOT A DELUSIONAL epidode. Another party, outide of me.. but very real because he was stopping me from continuing my fit.. I remember somethign that occured that was very out-worldly and I knew from that moment on I would remember that moment as something to remind me those insane moments were not based on pure insanity. I remembered!! There is more to this world than meets the eye...

I will not tell what happened because I feel it is not important and no one deserves to know...