Definition of Reality: Sell, buy, and war.. Never Question.

I awake with a sole reason to find more things to detach me from what the consensus view of normal reality is. I try my best to view the world as a place where crazy people inhabit and conduct their crazy business. If you think war is normal then you are crazy. If you think working till you drop is normal then you are crazy. If you view money as above all else then you are crazy. If you think about it.. Those things were created by crazy people who viewed life as expendable thing.

To me, I look at life like this.. "After I accomplish all the big things and have all the money I desire.. AND THEN WHAT?" Do I transcend reality or something when I make it big, do I escape the pain of life, do I no longer have to endure sadness caused by others or events around me. Hell no, money can't fix all that, wars can't fix all that .. On and on..

In any event, life as we know it on this planet is insane. If you try to tell people those things are insane you get "You are nuts". Honestly, no anyone that thinks otherwise is insane. Think about it, here we are this being of existence in a unknown reality we call a universe but we still can not determine exactly why we are here or even if there is any reason. You'd think that are main purpose to exist in this life would be to learn, discover and search for the reason or how this entire place works. I don't mean popping open the bible and searching each passage and saying "YES! that is what is happening to me.. Oh yes, this passage applies to my life". I do believe there is more to the world than meets the eye and if you think the bible is your guide.. Hmmm, I guess that is your view I can't tell you otherwise. However, I feel there is a better answer than that outdated view of the world.

My entire point, there has to be a reason to all of this.. It is way too big and powerful to just be.. There has to be an underlying cause. I am not trying to say we are the center of the universe but we are very well part of it. If we are part of something that is big and have an intelligence capable of perceiving we are part of some unknown reality then that begs the question... "What the hell are we doing wasting are time fighting each other and trying to profit off each other?" I think time is critical because if you look at all the variables in the universe around us you can tell our being or existence here is limited.. It is pretty obvious from all the cycles around us on earth and outside the universe everything has to come to an end. I think it is time we understand what we are and quit selling our minds away to useless things.

No more advertising..

This is a blog about my philosophy on "MY" life, my reality, my consciousness.. There is no place for advertisements anymore.. LOL .. They are leaving today..

Consesus Reality and Cognitive Liberty

Interesting choice of words from some guy on Youtube.. I have been for so long trying to bring into this consensus reality my thoughts.. (LOL.. makes sense).. I was upset how we all have to play part in a system of reality.. Either by taking medications for mood disorders, acting a certain way.. etc. However, I read about Cognitive Liberty I actually enjoyed what it said..

However, quite possibly these topics may be on a path to figuring out reality. However, we still have a long way to go.. I still think regardless of the terms definitions or theories derived from them. We still need to keep trying to find the answer to this reality.. Or should we?? LOL The choice is yours..

I remember a friend telling me..

I remember very well a friend telling me or implying through the lyrics of a song that was on the radio.. He said, "hey Mike, here is your song.."..

Listen below... This is the song.. I assume he told me this because I was very reliant back then on my parents and I'll admit we as a family had not suffered financially in a long time. I'll admit, yes we as a family were tight knit unit and if one bird was having trouble flapping his wings we'd make sure that bird would not fall to the ground.



I remember hearing the song thinking.. Wow, maybe he has a point and feeling man I deserve that. However, damn I was a kid back then just living my life without really too many friends and not really enjoying things other kids my age did. Honestly, I did not really have much but I guess people can sometimes misjudge a situation and think they have everything. Well, honestly, I think enduring the long illnesses of my parents is enough to really turn my outlook on life bitter. Even with positives, I still view things bitterly due to those events. However, at times I see them as positives because those events let me see through the money element of life and with people who even write songs like that and even people who have that attitude toward people.. In reality there are greedy people and then there is just you middle class family.. We were trying to be happy in life as a family that is all.. I don't think we were trying to one up everyone but I assume people around us felt that. I understand that artist can write a song but that doesn't mean their art is perfect. The flaw is his judgment toward others without having full facts.. Sometimes in life not everything appears king like.. Underneath the surface he so badly didn't not want to penetrate he only sees the fat rich boy. It seems the "fat boy" though is himself because he fails to see tomorrow too.. He worries about desiring what others have. Maybe happiness is the only desire.. Maybe love.. Maybe those things the judge lacked... So he paints a ugly picture for all around him..

Thinking of my father..

Tonight, at the weirdest moment as I was washing dishes. I have no idea why I was thinking of this particular thought but it occurred. I remember driving my father home while he was pretty much dying in the backseat. He was very ill from cancer and was have a very difficult time breathing. It was quite a difficult trip for me both emotionally and physically but I will never forget the talks I had with my father during his final days here.

I realize death can make a person that knows death is knocking to review ones life and wish they may had done something differently. I remember my father telling me he should of invested the money he had into my Internet Service Provider idea back in 1995-96. However, he felt back then it was not a good idea and declined to invest the money into me. Even though back then I attempted everything that is required to start up a company he did not want to invest anything at all. I remember back then feeling very excited about the idea and having enough knowledge to start things but I just could not gain him as a partner in my idea. Honestly, I was not upset at my father declining me back then because I felt he was correct and possibly to this day is still correct about declining me. I mean after all that was his nest egg he had stored away and I was asking for quite a big chunk of it which could of very well failed.

Aside from all the events surrounding that event, I really at that time in my life did not feel my father was even at all interested in the idea. I really did not even think he was considering it or even putting the idea at all in his head. However, to my surprise on the drive home while he was dying he sat there and said in a sad tone how he wish he would of given me the money to start the business back then. I could see it in his face he was upset and it really bothered him about turning me down. I was shocked when I heard him say this and thought.. Dad, it does not matter, if anything I did not really have all the knowledge I needed to really hit the ground running. I told him I would of fumbled so much I quite possibly could of failed the entire business and lost out instead of gained. In my head.. I thought I love this old guy even though he can be a real pain in the ass. You know, it may not seem much to many but to me that showed so much love for me just him thinking so much about that. I really told my dad it was not a big deal he did not loan me the money. I told him.. Possibly.. if he would of and even if I would of been successful things in my life now would of been much different. The people I have in my life now would probably not be there and I would of never been able to come to grips with what really matters in life. If anything possibly, I may of ignored my father if I would of took that route because success sometimes in material world can blind you to life and make you ignore people who are sick and dying.

Looking back.. I have to admit he was a tough old guy that could pretty much tackle anything. Even death, he showed great strength and fearless stance toward it.

Warning: Don't play with things you don't understand

Oh, a little human folly never hurt anything. Yes, if you assume the presumptuous nature of scientist being absolutely correct when most times they are far off base. One thing a good scientist realizes in this world is his view of reality is modeled with human knowledge. That knowledge being a system the human can piece together. The model he creates is usually derived from previous human's understanding of the world using models or systems of knowledge to detail in theory what he believes is making a certain reality work. This is where mathematics fails.. Ok, fellow humans (ekkk) this is where all problems lie with your understanding of the world and your attempt to model it with mathematics.. Your number system is not reality.. Such a linear thing..

You'll detonate atomic weapons but you fail to realize the impact it creates in other areas of your world and even the universe as a whole. You can opening up things that you don't even understand only to pollute your world with things beyond your understanding. Sometime knowledge is powerful but when you assume you have the answers based on the reality you can only touch you are starting to mold yourself to belief that you are just ... nah.. you figure it out..

I am here.. but where are you?

I watched my children march up to me and beg me to cook them eggs. I looked at the clock and thoguht what in the hell am I doing giving into them cooking for them at this hour. However, I went ahead and started to cool.. Meanwhile, I went into deep thought about all the faults in my life just because the moment seemed so crazy... I thought long and hard about my so called bi-polar condition that certain doctor's said I have.

I sat there questioning and thinking long and hard about how wrong I may be about all my thoughts in my head. I started to instantly think maybe everything I believe in is incorrect and my reasoning behind my thoughts is totally insane. I thought about all the instances in the past and how they created me such despair and frustration only to lead me to this very point in my life to question what is this all about. I told myself for a few minutes.. Just maybe, just maybe I do have some type of physiological condition that is causing me this irrational thoughts. I thought instantly my life may be unhappy and unstable just because I let myself question this reality I live in constantly. Mind you, the reason for these thoughts was based on movie's and shows I saw on television that potrayed the bipolar type of person. I thought maybe my thinking was affected due to the programs, movies or whatever I saw on television or the internet.

I remember at one point in my thinking as I stared at the grill cooking eggs.. Just maybe, I am insane and I lack the ability to recongnize these features. I thought maybe all my pointless thought into thinking who I am? why I am here? Maybe I thought, those questions were based on insane thinking because my mind was not functioning the way a so-called "normal" person functioned in the world. I thought maybe all the countless hours of thinking, and wondering what this life is about is pointless drool from the deep areas of a dysfunctional mind. I thought maybe my rage and anger in my life was misdirected and rationalized with insanity in mind. I thought wow!! I thought, this is the epiphany I have been looking for "I am insane"!!! I thought this is it.. I am an insane person who is admittedly "bi-polar" experiencing extreme highs and lows.. Mania mixed with depression.. At that moment, I instantly thought of the shot of some Youtube "MD" in psychology proving that bi-polar conditon was physical issue with the brain. I guess they would call it a chemical imbalance.

However, through all the thought. Through all the reasoning I thought about a moment when I was baker acted inside the pysche ward of a hospital. I remember very succinctly a moment when I recalled an unusal situation which was without dought NOT A DELUSIONAL epidode. Another party, outide of me.. but very real because he was stopping me from continuing my fit.. I remember somethign that occured that was very out-worldly and I knew from that moment on I would remember that moment as something to remind me those insane moments were not based on pure insanity. I remembered!! There is more to this world than meets the eye...

I will not tell what happened because I feel it is not important and no one deserves to know...